“Trusting in Allah's plan."
Posted by : Sophia Kinhnarath /
What am I doing with my life? Where have I been hiding? What am I going to do next? All questions from curious minds. For the first two questions I’m not sure what I’ve been doing just living I guess. Where have I been hiding? I haven’t you just didn’t inquire about me. But I can tell you a little bit of what I’ve been going through.
I decided to quit my job. I feel like I left something behind, I let people down, and that I let the future generation of students down. As much as I love working for SEI and the David Douglas High School, as much as I love trying to figure things out, plan events, and being able to provide for the students, I felt that something has been missing. That I’ve been going in circles for a while trying to figure it out. I feel like it was a difficult decision to make, but I also feel like this decision that I made is one of the best decisions that I have ever made in my life in order to grow. My reasons for the leaving is personal growth, emotional development, and trust in Allah. Mainly, Just the Trust in Allah.
At-Tawakkul is an Islamic concept of complete reliance on Allah or “Trusting in Allah's plan." The root word in Arabic is wakala which means to entrust, charge or authorize. Allah is al-Wakeel, the Disposer of Affairs, the One entrusted, relied upon, depended upon and sufficient to take care of all matters.
For myself I know, I'm going to continue to keep on going in circles until I do what I am meant to do in the world. Sometimes it takes a lifetime for people to figure out what that is, but I’m fortunate enough to see a vision of what I want. There's more personal and religious feelings towards what I'm trying to do and build. It may not all be there yet and it may not all be perfect but something is drawing me a direction that I feel is right. This feeling of drawing me towards a direction is always drawing me towards being tested. It’s difficult but it’s challenging and rewarding.
I’m sure a lot of people have been struggling with At-Tawakkul. For me, I can see exactly what steps I have to take to be able to have complete Trust in Allah. When I have complete Trust in Allah, when I truly have complete Trust, I will know and feel that the decisions I have made have all been towards the same goal. With all that being said leaving my job with uncertainty about the future is apart of the process.
Growing up I was very independent, I still am very independent and it's hard to move from that. But I know that in order for me to have complete trust, I have to let go of the things that are not fully things that I can control and not fully things that I am responsible for. I have to let the family structure, roles and responsibilities take its place.
It's hard to say that I am not worried because if I was not worried, I wouldn't have to work on trust. I know that I have to do this. I have to make this decision and continue this path because I know that my complete trust in Allah has to take place. It has to take place through this direction. So that I am able to grow as a person. So the hardest part for me is not knowing the future and not knowing how it's going to be. So thats where my husband gets involved in this. In order for me to truly trust that Allah, I have to trust that Allah is going to allow my husband to be able to provide for me. We live in a world where financing plays a major role in our everyday life. Islam teaches us that the financial responsibilities lies, in my case, in my husband. His role to hold that responsibility. I truly believe that there is a reason for it. I believe that in order for a Man to feel a sense of worth, pride and responsibility he must be able to feel that he has those responsibility to be able to provide. As hard as it is at times, I have to let him take that control. I have to trust Allah that Allah will provide him with all the resources in order to make sure those responsibility are fulfilled. If I allow my husband to provide, its allowing me to trust in Allah. Its allowing him to practice the religion the way that he should practice it.
So leaving is bittersweet especially in the times that we are in. More sweet than bitter.
In order to grow I have to make sacrifices.
In order to practice Islam to the fullest I have to follow the Quran and Sunnah.
In order to feel complete I have to have At-Tawakkul.
To read more and study Islam read. The Study Quran.